City sidewalks, small-town sidewalks
Dressed in ‘lection day style
In the air there’s a feeling
of Caucus . . .
Yes, the crispness in the air . . . the shortening of days . . . the Black Friday sales . . . they can mean only one thing: Iowa caucus season is right around the corner.
After the college football bowl games have departed, it will once again be time for declared and undeclared candidates to begin crisscrossing the state, vowing to consume loose-meat sandwiches in all 99 counties in their efforts to secure that elusive Iowa stamp of approval on February 3, 2020.
Like Santa clones in malls everywhere, these Democrats will offer you a seat on their laps, assuring you they have what it takes to defeat the person — who, not so incidentally, resembles the Grinch — occupying the Oval Office within Whoville’s Beltway. So, as a public service to prevent you being unceremoniously thrown down a slide, a la Ralphie, I’m offering you these seven tips to consider when asking what you would like for election day:
1. Civility. Research what the candidate has done to prove they can get extremists on the right and the left to at least exist in the same room with each other.
2. World respect for America. How will they be able to repair the damage the Grinch has done to American interests around the world while continuing to assure that stable and free trade will keep world equities markets from melting down.
3. Decorum. If your chosen candidate starts to speak in terms of blame, or of anger, or of impeachment, hop off their lap.
4. Rural consideration. What has the candidate done to convince you they are for the America that lives between the coasts? Ask for policies concerning abundant and affordable access to quality health care, jobs, and broadband.
5. Energy. If your candidate offers to fill your stocking with a job that comes with a lump of coal, politely refuse. Ask instead for training to be able to receive a lump of modern energy.
6. Eggnog tastes good, but. A glass of clean water from America’s rivers is better.
7. And, finally, look through your mail. Way past the holidays, you’ll be receiving greeting cards from the candidates. If you’re among those who keep your cards on your mantel, don’t let them stay there. Rearrange them from time to time. And toss some out as deserved.
What are your ideas for some presents? Merry Caucus!