Writing under the handle “Bronxiniowa,” Ira Lacher, who actually hails from the Bronx, New York, is a longtime journalism, marketing, and public relations professional.

My wife is an environmentalist. Big time. She cuts up plastic soda can rings, so they won’t trap defenseless birds. She insisted on us purchasing electric outdoor power tools, so we won’t exude noxious fumes into the air. She knows exactly what stuff you can recycle and what you can’t — regulations so arcane, they make the NFL rule book simpler than Fun with Dick and Jane.

So, when she blanched at “No Mow May,” I experienced a Walter Cronkite moment, when “the most trusted man in America” urged the U.S. to get out of Vietnam.

Writing under the handle “Bronxiniowa,” Ira Lacher, who actually hails from the Bronx, New York, is a longtime journalism, marketing, and public relations professional.

“The problem with doing nothing,” Groucho Marx famously said, “is that you never know when you’re finished.” Our esteemed leaders embody Mr. Marx’s wisdom, because they keep doing nothing about the assassinations of innocent individuals by gun, a continuous horror that has impelled numerous countries to warn against traveling to America.

As of 8:30 PM Central time on May 13, nearly 15,500 people in America had died from gun violence in 2023. At this rate, we could surpass the record 21,000, set in 2021, before we reach Independence Day.

Ira Lacher reports from London in advance of the coronation of King Charles III.

With just days before the coronation of King Charles III, perhaps the enthusiasm in London for the royal shindig has increased over what it seemed when my wife and I, along with our son and daughter-in-law, visited London early in April: a combination of normal, hassled, and indifferent.

The weather was normal: cool, breezy with occasional rain every day. Prices, escalating since the Brexit-resulting falloff of the pound ($1.20 USD), were normal, which was to say high. Crowds, especially in the shopping destinations of Leicester Square, Piccadilly Circus, Soho, and in the West End theater district, were normal, which was to say mobbed, since most European schools were on spring break.

And British gentility was normal, which, to American ears, is totally quaint, such as in the elevators (“This is a lift going down,” advised a female voice straight out of Downton Abbey; “watch the closing doors”) in our hotel, steps away from Westminster Abbey, where on May 6 the king will be crowned, as did countless kings and queens over the last thousand years or so.

Writing under the handle “Bronxiniowa,” Ira Lacher, who actually hails from the Bronx, New York, is a longtime journalism, marketing, and public relations professional.

My aunt, who raised me after my parents died, would wake up early on Sunday to prepare a meal, then take a cab, at great expense, to visit her sister, confined to a mental institution. “If she were Catholic,” one of the nurses in the ward told me, “she would be a saint.”

But she also threw around the word “shvartze” to refer to black people. “Shvartze” technically means “black” in Yiddish, but it’s also the equivalent of the N-word. So, yes, my aunt was a racist. But she also did good for me, her sister, and uncounted others. And I still say a memorial prayer for her on the anniversary of her death.

No such sentiment may be forthcoming for Scott Adams, the longtime cartoonist who created “Dilbert.”

Writing under the handle “Bronxiniowa,” Ira Lacher, who actually hails from the Bronx, New York, is a longtime journalism, marketing, and public relations professional, and a recent convert to anti-absurdism.

“There is no indication of alien or extraterrestrial activity with these recent takedowns.”—White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

“I’ll let the intel community and the counterintelligence community figure that out. I haven’t ruled out anything.”—General Glen VanHerck, commander of NORAD

Oooh, this one’s too good. The Republicans just can’t let this one get away.

The Goofball Old Party, which brought us such believe-it-or-nuts such as Marjorie Taylor Greene, just has to get going with the latest Clinton/Obama/Biden/ conspiracy theory.

Are you ready for UFOgate?

Ira Lacher was an assistant sports editor at the Des Moines Register during the 1980s.

Wait for it.

As Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin continues to lie, inert, connected to whatever devices keep him alive, someone is sure to call for American football, a sport unique in the world, to be banned.

Certainly what occurred on the turf of Paul Brown Stadium on Monday night, January 2, 2023, bears introspection. How are you supposed to feel when you witness a 24-year-young man almost dying, in full view of tens of thousands of spectators, and millions more watching on high-definition television?