Fauxgressive: A letter of urgency and warning

Alexandra Rucinski mocks efforts to take down presidential candidates who aren’t good enough for “brogressives.” -promoted by Laura Belin

Thank you for taking the time to read our letter posted by the Gaslight Gazette. Our movement, we feel, is deeply misunderstood.

We have been slandered for trying to warn this nation about the very great threat of representative politics.

We care about the issues. This is about the issues. It doesn’t matter what representation you are! Why would you insinuate something so offensive?

It has always been about the issues. Now is not the time for half measures. There are lots of great candidates, and we like a lot of them but we are on the fence about this particular progressive candidate. She seems untrustworthy.

This progressive candidate has ulterior motives that will harm our Brogressive movement. This work is too important to let her deliver the purity of our message.

I know she said the same things we have, but that’s no longer good enough. We’ve decided that in light of this new environment, where all these progressives suddenly think they can run for BROTUS, that if she claims to be fighting for the core values of representative politics, that is a lie and we are here to expose her. Therefore, we will label her as a fauxgressive to let everyone know what a fraud she really is.

This is for the good of our movement and the good of this nation. The blue heart party of hopeful bipartisanship and inclusion must be stopped. This is the party that forced millions of us to vote for the wicked witch of experience and perseverance last time, and you saw how well that turned out.

We know there is a temperamental ticking nuclear time bomb sitting in the brotum office but frankly, the work we are doing is so much more important than that. It’s more important than all of us, and we will not stop until our demands are met.

If you refuse to meet these demands, we will activate that nuclear bomb ourselves. We feel it’s really for the best that we burn down your establishment. You’ve given us no choice, and now we must take action.

Please reconsider your support of this progressive candidate. She is hurting the greatness of the ideas and issues we so want to achieve. We really don’t want it to turn out like this, but this institution must be stopped and we are the ones with enough integrity to stop it!

You have a year to meet our demands. This is a revolution for all of us, and we hope you can see that.

Sincerely, the Brogressive movement.

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