First, Representative Steve King absurdly claimed a “strong, Christian lawyer” told him the recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling on marriage means “you could marry your lawnmower.”

In response, Pat Rynard shot a video of himself purportedly attempting to marry his lawnmower. Polk County Recorder Julie Haggerty patiently explained to Rynard why such a marriage would be impossible under the law.

Anyone who watched the video or read the post at Iowa Starting Line would understand Rynard pulled off the stunt to mock King for “insinuating that two loving gay men or women entering into marriage is as bizarre and unnatural as someone marrying their lawnmower.”

Anyone, that is, except several journalists at WQAD in the Quad Cities. In a televised segment, they claimed “a man in Des Moines tried to marry his lawnmower.”  

Eric Sorensen posted the video on Facebook on August 7, bragging about his “take-down.” I took a screenshot in case someone at WQAD has the good sense to “take down” this embarrassing post later.

The video is missing the first few seconds of the spot, picking up as news anchor Julie Sisk describes “what people would call a fairy-tale love story: A man in Des Moines tried to marry his lawnmower.” Viewers can hear her colleagues expressing disbelief off-camera.

Viewers then see footage from Rynard’s video, as the words “MAN TRIES TO MARRY A MOWER” appear near the bottom of the screen.

A few seconds later, Sisk comments, “He was inspired by an Iowa congressman who stated last week that he believes the Supreme Court’s recent same-sex marriage ruling actually allows people to marry objects–even lawnmowers.”

A competent journalist would recognize the real story here: one of Iowa’s representatives in Congress is spreading ridiculous misinformation about the court decision on marriage equality. A competent news producer would put the words “MAN MAKES FUN OF STEVE KING” on screen below segments from Rynard’s video.

But no.

The ensuing banter suggests that WQAD’s journalists did not get the point. Jonathan Ketz comments, “So, when we were teasing this story, I thought it was an ac–I thought it was an actual person. Lawn mower, like the person running the lawnmower, or riding it, but-”

Sisk interrupts to clarify, “No, it was the lawnmower itself. The object,” while meteorologist Eric Sorensen rolls his eyes and says, “Oh Lord.” Then he starts in with his “take-down”: “The difference is, the lawnmower doesn’t have a mouth. The lawnmower doesn’t have a heart or feelings to be able to say whether or not the lawnmower really loves the man.” Sisk nods and agrees, “Really wants to marry that person back.” Ketz also nods and adds, “Right.”

Sorensen looks into the camera to deliver his final blow: “That’s why you can’t do it, buddy.” Sisk smiles and laughs.

It would have taken less than a minute for someone on WQAD’s crack reporting team to read Rynard’s piece, down to the part where he states,

So there you have it, readers: Steve King is wrong. You cannot marry your lawnmower, as explained by Haggerty for a number of reasons:

– It’s an inanimate object

– It would have to be 18 years old

– It doesn’t have a government ID

– It would have to sign a contract

– You need a witness to confirm it can give consent to enter into a contract (my mower only makes revving noises, so I doubt it could do this)

This will certainly be bad news for the exactly zero people who wanted to marry one of their lawn and garden equipments (could you have claimed common law marriage if it’s lived with you in your garage for years?). It’s good news, however, for the proponents of marriage equality who accurately argued that legalizing gay marriage would not lead to any of the outlandish “slippery slope” situations opponents predicted.

Instead of exposing King’s ignorance about the U.S. Supreme Court ruling, WQAD chose to “punch down” by ridiculing “a Des Moines man” and misrepresenting his actions.

Rynard has asked WQAD for an apology. The station and its reporters should also apologize to viewers.